Somewhere along the way they morphed into Hair, Nose and T**s hospitals, where rich narcissists go when their heads are so far up their own back passages their eyesight is blocked.
This week, more men will have fat sucked out of their moobs than join the Army.
Facelifts, nose jobs, bag jobs and pec jobs will be performed on hundreds of males who’ll start a lengthy break from work looking like David Gest and return more like David Beckham, putting it down to “a bit of fresh air”.
So, fair play to Wayne Rooney for having a hair transplant at 25 and freely admitting he is a vain git. It’s been worth it just to imagine Coleen’s face when he told her: “I’m havin’ me follicles removed,” and she briefly thought she’d live happily ever after with a eunuch.
Cynics might say when you’ve as much experience paying for strangers to do things on top as Rooney has, it’s easy. Plus, when you’ve been told “you’re just a fat granny-s******” on a weekly basis by thousands of screaming football fans, gags about being in love with yourself won’t register.
But, for once, Rooney deserves credit. The vast majority of men, especially celebrities, wouldn’t have owned up to a hair transplant before they’d seen it work (that’s you, James Nesbitt), let alone put a photo of their cranium, looking like it’s just been lobotomised, on Twitter.
Gordon Ramsay denied having a hair job, despite being seen leaving an American clinic with a head that looked like it had been reversed over five times by Joe Pesci’s Cadillac.
Silvio Berlusconi denied it, despite walking around with a bandana for a month then showing off a scalp that resembled a ventriloquist’s dummy.
And Michael Jackson went to his grave telling us he’d gone from black to white due to a pigmentation problem that had never affected anyone before and which mysteriously changed the shape of his nose and lips.
There are many more out there doing a Victoria Beckham, by refusing to confirm a truth that screams “guilty” at them from a thousand before-and-after shots. But should we be that surprised with Rooney?
He is, after all, the one high-profile footballer who refused to go down the injunction line, despite having a very public marriage, and scores of deals, to protect.
Injunctions, like cosmetic surgery, are all about vanity. About wanting the world to see a false image of you. It came as no shock to find Ryan Giggs has been receiving baldness treatment for two years, but we didn’t hear a tweet about it.
Rooney may be seen as Satan’s sperm to those who detest the rise of overpaid, uncouth chavs. He’s faced bile for being the worst kind of role model for boys but at least, when his private actions were about to be outed, he’s held his hands up.
While other rich celebrities are paying lawyers fortunes to cover up their every private move, Rooney’s honesty is refreshing.
And not a bad trait for our young to follow. So thanks for not hiding the bald truth, Wayne.
Just do us a favour. If you’re thinking about having a penis extension and putting a picture of it on Twitter, make sure it’s a Maserati or a Lamborghini, eh?
No comments:
Post a Comment